My Nan - a special kind of strength

My Nan, Constance Irene Upson, was born on 8^th January 1920 at 81 Stanley Road, Ilford. Connie shared the house with her parents, Charles and Violet Upson, and her two older sisters, Vi and Ivy. In the autumn of 1923, when Connie was 3 years old, her brother Roy Charles Upson was born. As he was the only boy, Roy was doted on by his father. During her early childhood, when she was around 7 or 8 years of age, the family moved the short distance to a brand new house at 26 Clifton Road, Newbury Park.

On 2^nd September 1931, when Connie was just 11 years old, her mother died. It must have been awful for her to lose her mum at that age and it is bound to have affected her deeply. Her father would have had to continue working, so Connie’s older sister Vi probably assumed the responsibility of looking after her younger siblings.

Connie at 18 years old

The family was thrown into turmoil when her father remarried less than 18 months after her mother’s death. Her father married Frieda Gwendolyn Hubbard on 18^th February 1933. Connie was 13 years old, a rebellious age. Along with her other siblings, Connie initially found it hard to accept “auntie Gwen” as her stepmother but with time they got used to each other and in later years they got on well. In 1935, Julie, a younger step-sister was born.

Just a few short years later, when she was 19 years old, Connie met and subsequently married William Phillip Hand. Bill was a civil engineer’s assistant and was nine years her senior. They married at SS Peter and Paul RC Church on Ilford High Road on 3^rd June 1939. By this time both of her older sisters had married. Ivy had married Les Payton in the early months of 1938 and Violet had married Albert Boreham only a couple of months before Connie’s own wedding.

After the wedding they moved to Grisedale Gardens in Riddlesdown, near Purley in Surrey. Three months after the wedding Britain was once again at war with Germany. Connie became pregnant and on 10^th June 1940 she gave birth to a healthy baby girl, Maureen. The Blitz began three months later. Luckily few bombs fell in Riddlesdown, but Connie would have worried about her husband travelling to work on the train to London.

Bill was not a healthy man and he suffered from Crohns disease. The attacks were probably not helped by the stress of living under the daily threat of air raids. His health deteriorated and on 10^th November 1942 he passed away. He was just 32 years old.

It must have been bad enough for Connie to lose her mother at such a tender age but to become a widow at just 22 must have been almost unbearable. As difficult as it must have been for her, she had to hold it together for the sake of her daughter.

Little is known of what Connie did during the war years. She once told me that she worked at The People’s Palace in Mile End, which at the time had been taken over by the local council. She had to earn money to survive and may have resorted to desperate measures. She eventually moved in with her father-in-law once he had moved to Ilford and this was an enormous help. Her sisters would have also assisted her during those difficult years.

After the war she got to know Bill’s brother, Charles Hand, who had himself been incarcerated in a Japanese prisoner of war camps between 1942 and 1945. As they became acquainted with one another, her father-in-law probably persuaded them that it would be a good idea if they were married. Connie needed a husband and a father for Maureen, and Charles needed a wife and someone to care for him. They were married at SS Peter and Paul RC Church on 29^th March 1947. After the wedding they moved to Selsdon, Surrey.

Mum's baptism in 1948 (front to rear: Maureen, Connie holding mum, William Pedro Hand, "Auntie" Ginny, unknown couple and Eddie Fitt (holding the cat))

Connie became pregnant again and Theresa Irene Hand was born on 14^th July 1948. The baptism, held several weeks later, was attended, amongst others, by Connie’s father-in-law, auntie Ginnie and her husband Charles’s cousin Eddie Fitt, who was better known as uncle Eddie.

In the years immediately after Theresa’s birth, Charles was seconded to Nottingham and the family moved into a house at 10 Catterley Hill Road. They only spent about 2-3 years in Nottingham and moved back south in around Christmas 1952. They settled to a house at 57 Parkside Avenue, Romford. Soon after moving in, Connie’s third daughter, Janet Eileen Hand, was born on 15^th March 1953.

Left to right: Nan with Janet, Maureen, "auntie" Gwen, "auntie" Ginny and mum with cat at the front

The sadness and hardship experienced by Connie earlier in her life had made her into a strong woman and she needed to be strong. Charles suffered from periods of depression which disrupted family life. During these episodes he could not cope with everyday life and it was up to Connie to pick up the pieces. Sometimes she would find household bills that had been hidden away and she would lose her temper. This was not surprising given the pressure of looking after her husband as well as her children. It must have been very difficult for her. In spite of these challenges, she kept the family together and there were happy times too: summer holidays and family gatherings. Connie’s sister, Ivy and her husband Les ran a guest house in the seaside town of Cliftonville near Margate and the family would sometimes gather down there. Ivy and Les ran the guest house for a number of years but this came to an abrupt end when Les found himself in trouble with the tax man. Ivy and Les (and their son Trevor) decided to emigrate to Canada to avoid possible prosecution. It must have been sad for Connie saying goodbye to her sister at Tilbury docks on the day of her departure, although they remained close and Ivy returned to England every couple of years.

Outside the guest house in Cliftonville

Connie became pregnant again and on 23^rd January 1961 Clare Elizabeth Hand was born. By this time Theresa was 12 and had started secondary school at the Ursuline in Brentwood. Janet, aged 7, was at primary school and Maureen had grown up.  Just over three years later, on 6^th June 1964, Maureen married Brian White and two years layer Connie’s first grandchild, Darren, was born.

Connie and her family moved from Romford to Billericay in around 1967 and settled into a new house at 38 The Warren. It was a large house and Connie and her family enjoyed their new surroundings.

Theresa had been with her boyfriend, Keith Melton, since 1963 and in 1969 she married him. They married on at the Most Holy Redeemer RC church in Billericay on the 18^th October on a sunny autumn day. Less than four years later, Janet married Brian Jewell at the same church. Clare, who was by now old enough to attend the Mayflower school in Billericay, was a bridesmaid at both weddings.

The financial turmoil of the seventies caused Charles and Connie to sell their house in The Warren and in around 1974 Charles, Connie and Clare moved to a smaller house at 167 Mountnessing Road, Billericay. The move enabled Charles and Connie to have some money for their retirement.

The wedding of Clare to Martin Gale on 4^th June 1983 meant that Charles and Connie were alone for the first time in their marriage. The wedding, once again, took place at the Most Holy Redeemer RC church and this was followed by a reception at a hotel in Basildon.

With all of her daughters now married, Connie and Charles were free to spend their retirement years in any way they wished. In 1984 they moved from Billericay to a newly-built bungalow at 4 Grimston Way in Walton-on-the-Naze. These were happy times and they made friends with other couples who had retired to the Essex coast. They had a good social life and the fresher weather on the coast helped to ease her arthritis.

Charles and Connie with a friend at the seaside

We would regularly visit them at weekends for Saturday or Sunday tea and during the summer holidays my sister and I would spend a week with them. They would sometimes rent a beach hut for the duration of our stay and we would have many happy days by the beach playing in the sea when it was sunny or playing cards inside the hut over a cup of tea if it rained. 

Charles and Connie celebrated their golden wedding anniversary in 1997. The family took them out for a meal at The Harbour Lights and it was quite an occasion. By this time Charles’ was suffering from kidney disease and he had to get used to having regular dialysis which he could have at home. In spite of the treatment his condition gradually worsened and he was admitted to Ipswich hospital. He sadly died there on 20^th February 1998 aged 79. Connie was now a widow for the second time in her life but her family and friends helped her to cope with her loss.

Over the next couple of years Connie’s arthritis worsened and this affected her mobility. However this did not hold her back and I remember her proudly showing off her new mobility scooter to me. This enabled her to still get out to the shops by herself and to visit her friends. She was still able to get to attend mass on Sunday mornings thanks to her friends who had a car. Connie also had a carer who would do those jobs around the house that she could no longer manage.

Unfortunately Connie had a nasty fall one day and this resulted in an extended stay at Broomfield Hospital in Chelmsford. She hated it there as some of the nurses were rude to her. Whilst in hospital she was diagnosed with heart disease which explained her increasing breathlessness.

It became apparent that she could no longer care for herself and the family took the difficult decision to place Connie in a nursing home. My mum managed to find a nursing home in Maldon that was conveniently close to both her office and her house. This enabled a member of the family to visit Connie every day. The downside was that Connie had to share a room with another lady and there was little privacy.

Sadly, Connie’s conditioned worsened and she could not walk across the room without becoming breathless. Connie passed away on 9^th August 2001.

My Nan did not have an easy life and there must have been moments where she felt quite low, but she was a strong-minded woman and that determination helped her through those difficult times. The qualities she displayed are a real inspiration.